If someone tells you they are suicidal, listen. Ask questions about their experience like they just took up a new hobby or went on a trip somewhere. I’m not saying patronize them. I’m saying interact like you’re a human being with another human being. Just because someone is tired of living, it doesn’t mean it’s contagious. Their feelings are their feelings, and they are separate from you.
Suicidality may not sound like the phrase, “I want to kill myself.” Sometimes it’s “I just don’t even care anymore,” “I just feel like life isn’t worth it,” “Things are just too hard,” or “Sometimes I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up.” Validate their feelings. Tell them they’re heard and that life IS hard. Then let the conversation progress. No belittling or shaming or dismissing. Acceptance and kind words rarely make things worse.
If they’re serious, then action needs to be taken. Do they have a plan of how they would kill themselves? A way to do it? Are they a danger to themselves? Would you feel uneasy leaving them alone? Then don’t. Stay and talk and decide what to do together. When I’m with a client, it usually goes like this:
Me: “Have you thought of how you would kill yourself?” (Yes, use the term. You won’t be putting ideas in their head that aren’t already there).
Client: “I want to jump out of an airplane without a parachute.”
Me: “Alright. Do you have access to an airplane to jump out of?” (Yes, extreme example, but one that has intent without means.)
On the other hand, they could say, “I have a gun at home that I want to shoot myself with.” In that case, they have a plan, intent, and means. And in that case, we would continue talking until we had a safety plan in place because they are a danger to themselves, and it’s my job to keep my clients safe.
I also do this with my friends. I never want someone to feel they cannot throw a lifeline without someone catching it and responding. If nothing else, remember: Acceptance and kind words rarely make things worse.